I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
