U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
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