I've blown a few things in my day
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
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