True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
this kid at 40 friday greeted another kid by saying "heeey farmville neighbor"
dude.
yep. needless to say i didn't meet anyone and spent yet another friday night masturbating.
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Randomize
