It's like God shit irony all over that family
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
Randomize
