she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
I love black thongs
Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
birth control should be required to get into college
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
Randomize
