two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
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