My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
Randomize
