Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
Randomize
