weddingsv make me drug and hornr
I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
Randomize
