I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
I realized that I've made out with a different boy almost every time we've gone to mcgoreys....I don't need a boyfriend...I have that bar
I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
Randomize
