You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
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