Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
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