i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
Randomize
