Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
Randomize
