Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
Randomize
