Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
Randomize
