I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
Randomize
