if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
I am sorry, you're response was not recognized. Please try again.
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
Randomize
