so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
Randomize
