i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
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