No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
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