is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
Randomize
