tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
Randomize
