sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
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