so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
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