so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
Randomize
