i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
Randomize
