This is some kinda fucked up sordid doggy brothel peepshow bullshit.
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
Randomize
