He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
Randomize
