you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
Randomize
