you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
When did angry sex become our thing?
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
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