went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
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