addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
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