i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
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