Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
Randomize
