I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
I don't remember anything from last night, but at track I found my thong next to the high jump pit... So it must has been decent
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
Randomize
