she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
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