How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
Randomize
