Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
Randomize
