What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
Randomize
