haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
Randomize
