I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
I obviously couldn't but this on your fbook wall. I would get judge. I would willingly get tbagged by him. You can quote me on that.
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
Share, now.
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
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