Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
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