It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
Randomize
