I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
Randomize
