I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
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