O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
Randomize
