what's the vibe there?
extraordinary amounts of gine
so i was creeping on him today and there was like nothing new except he became a fan of getting dome
i wish i could be like. "i like giving dome, lets be friends"
So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
Randomize
