Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
First time not coming to this class high in a month and a half, never again will i put myself thru this torture
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