I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
Randomize
