You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
Randomize
